So you’ve passed the initial hurdle of asking her out and you’ve even managed to make it through a few successful dates. Now she’s officially your girlfriend and you couldn’t be happier.
Regardless of whether you feel like you’ve met ‘the One’ or not, there are some essential questions you still should be asking to help you decide whether your relationship is headed in the right direction.
Here are some important points to consider:
1. What is her perspective on finances?
While no one likes to talk about money at the beginning of a relationship, it is important to determine as best as possible her general approach to money and personal finance is. If she’s a spender and you’re a saver, problems could arise in your future.
2. What are her views on having children?
Again, children can be a deal-breaking decision. If you want them and she doesn’t or vice versa, you need to know now that this is likely only going to be a short-term, ‘fun’ relationship.
3. What are her family values?
Again this is important because it will influence how your life will be later down the road should you two get married. Different people have different perspectives when it comes to family life so it’s relatively important you are on the same wavelength.
4. What are her career goals?
If you are a go-getter type and want your girlfriend or wife to be the same, you’ll likely want her to have some clearly defined goals. Likewise, if you prefer your future wife to be a stay at home mom, she needs to be open to the idea herself.
5. Why did her previous relationships fail?
This is likely a question you’ll want to ask after a period of dating – since talking about the ex is not a good plan right off the bat, but finding out why her previous relationships have not been successful can both give you an indication of what could go wrong with you two and also help you learn how you might avoid problems.
6. What is her sexual past?
Again, a question for down the road (but preferably before you become intimate), this will help put your mind at ease regarding STD’s and her overall views of sex. Be aware that people do lie on this issue so you’ll have to judge for yourself, how comfortable she is discussing it.
7. What her parent’s marriage is/was like?
While some people can definitely be very different from their parents, typically people do incorporate some aspects of their parents relationship into their future relationship style since it’s what they learned and saw firsthand growing up. Getting her to speak openly about this and her feelings about her parents relationship might be to your benefit.
8. What does she want to do for retirement?
This is a question to ask before you start getting serious and think about getting married. If one person wants to travel throughout the whole retirement while the other prefers to keep working as long as possible (and some people do want this! – albeit with reduced frequency and potentially in a different occupational field), this would be a huge mismatch in desires. You want to determine this now and figure out if it’s something that can be worked through rather than finding it out after fifty years of marriage.
9. What is her take on politics?
While it’s likely not going to be a relationship deal-breaker, many people find that when they are on the same level with their significant other on this issue it can help to bring them closer and could be indication they are on the same wavelength on a variety of things in life.
10. Where would she like to see herself in 10 years?
This simple question will just give you a basic idea of her direction in life. This would be most appropriate to ask near the beginning of dating as it will help you determine whether you two would be a good match for a longer-term relationship.
11. What are her religious beliefs?
This topic can be a big issue for some, particularly if they are very different from your own. Asking her what her beliefs are and if she regularly attends services can help you decide whether this is something that could become a potential problem for you both in the future.
12. What is her idea of the perfect date?
Simply because it will help you fulfill it! Come on, every woman wants a ‘perfect’ date at some point in her life – wouldn’t you like to be the one to give this to her?
So next time you’re sitting down to a conversation with your current girlfriend, keep these topics in mind. Remember communication is one of the most important things in any relationship so being comfortable to talk about these issues is critical.